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February 02, 2008

Comments

Tim Driscoll

Dear Elizabeth, I appreciate very much the teaching on differentiating between what is solely self-reflection and what is getting to a place in which the self is included but no longer isolated. This is key for me because I realize that I am often reactive to others and judge them sometimes harshly, not because I am a bad person, but because I am still in the perception of being separate from others (and often, I have to admit, of a perception of being better than or more mature than or harder working than others) and of having to fight for what I want and get people to do what I want rather than inviting people in with an open heart to further my vision. I suppose not all insights I receive within this process will be joyous - some insights will be of the painful nature of realizing where I fall into self-absorbed egotism, but I am committed to all the aspects of this process and have to honor where I am, and, as you said in class on Monday, honor the organic nature of this process. It seems overwhelming at times, but the words and concepts you speak of because you give tools that are engaged in the practice as well, give me hope, and I feel that on some level I do feel the potential of receiving the wisdoms that you relate. I feel sometimes after reading the teaching, almost embarrassed, that I am such a egomaniac mess, and am so far from living these wisdoms. But I do go back to what you have told me before: "Keep remembering who you are." - that I already know all of these things. It brings me deeper into the experience of what it is to remember if I try to listen inside myself, and I am happy that you put the act of listening into the kidneys, because that helps me keep the act of remembering and listening out of my head, or relegated as a brain activity. I have realized over the past few days that the breath is the least involved part of my practice, so I have been paying more mind to that, and using the sound of the breath as part of my listening process. I will work with that now and write more later. I hope that these comments are helpful to your own process. I wish that more people would comment. I sometimes feel inhibited to display in writing some of the elements of my process, but I do feel that putting it into writing apart from private journeling is an important part of my process. I pray that others will take the time and have the courage to share their processes and experiences, because it does build my courage to put my process into words and to divulge despite some of the unsurity of how what I might write might be received. I feel that getting past the worry of being perceived a certain way is an element of moving toward the big mind where all is one.

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